P2P No. 37 — On Perfectionism
"Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough."—Julia Cameron
I am guilty of this vice on many counts. Luckily, it is not a felony; otherwise, I would have gotten a very long sentence. Thus, I have skin in the game to ask: Why do some people become perfectionists? Why did I?
People pleasing comes to mind as a default argument. However, that does not account for all the (personal) variance. Since elementary school, I have followed the one piece of advice from my parents:
You are learning only for yourself.
Though it does not count as a scientific experiment to determine my intrinsic motivation, the aptitude test we completed in high school might give a hint. Or could it? If you can explain what intrinsic motivation outside the 0-100% range means, drop me a message.
I love being perfect, and getting it right. And I could do approximately so in my studies for a long time. As my interests broadened, keeping to the standard I set for myself became much more challenging. I felt uncertainty and a desire to push harder. I tried, but I failed, obviously.
That is, in high school you could ace a test and get the highest mark (and distinction and a gold star, and whatever else), and the problem is that being accommodated can deceive you (it did deceive me) that the same applies to life.
Which could not be more wrong. When the goalpost constantly moves, you can only stop but never finish.
Perfectionism is, beyond a few endeavours, an endless pursuit, with a price tag attached
You can strive to be the best, but it will have its toll, that is. Thus, you need to unearth your priority (note: this word does not have a meaningful plural); you cannot have it all.
Before going all in, reflect on why you strive to be perfect. Is it to gain recognition? Money? Because you think you will be happy if we can achieve mastery?
This self-reflection is the most critical point. Maybe, just maybe, it is not that important that you are the best in <insert pursuit>.