Despite the stereotype, many introverts I know have great people and communication skills. I came to believe in what I call the social battery conjecture:
The difference is not necessarily in the behavior, but in its effect. Introverts get depleted from social situation, extroverts get energized.
This resolves the quandary of why introverts can enjoy conversations; they might just get tired afterwards. The nuance is that
drainage depends on the circumstances.
We came up with this theory in a deep discussion with a self-described introvert colleague1—and we both felt energized afterwards!
So instead of thinking of extroverts having a larger and introverts a smaller social battery, we moved to a different mental model. Though the capacity might differ as well, what matters is what and how fast drains those batteries. Small talks and big social groups tend to drain it faster for introverts, but nerding about science or hobbies might even energize them.
Your task is to figure out what makes your battery drain slower and what recharges it.
Thanks, Thomas, for that lively conversation on the bus to the IMPRS-IS bootcamp in 2024!